Marriage Across NationsGail and I imagined a quiet wedding. During our two years together we had experienced the usual ups and downs of a couple learning to know, understand, and respect each other. ______ Our racial and cultural differences enhanced our relationship and taught us a great deal about tolerance, compromise, and being open with each other. Gail sometimes wondered why I and other blacks were so involved with the racial issue, and I was surprised that she seemed to forget the subtler forms of racial hatred in American society. Gail and I had no illusions about what the future held for us as a married, mixed couple in America. ______ We wanted to avoid the mistake made by many couples of marrying for the wrong reasons, and only finding out ten, twenty, or thirty years later that they were incompatible, that they hardly took the time to know each other, that they overlooked serious personality conflicts in the expectation that marriage was an automatic way to make everything work out right. ______ When Gail spread the news of our wedding plans to her family she met with some resistance. Her mother, Deborah, all along had been supportive of our relationship, and even joked about when we were going to get married so she could have grandchildren. ______ "So it was all right for me to date him, but it's wrong for me to marry him. Is his color the problem, Mom?" Gail subsequently told me she had asked her mother."To start with I must admit that at first I harbored reservations about a mixed marriage, prejudices you might even call them. But when I met Mark I found him a charming and intelligent young guy. Any mother would be proud to have him for a son-in-law. ______ Yes, my friends talk. Some even express shock at what you are doing. But they live in a different world. So you see, Mark's color is not the problem. ______ When we met I saw him as my beloved, intelligent, charming, and caring. It was all so new, all so exciting, and we both thought, on the surface at least, that ours was an ideal marriage with every indication that it would last forever. I realized only later that I didn't know my beloved, your father, very well when we married.""But Mark and I have been together more than two years," Gail railed. "We've been through so much together. We've seen each other at our worst many times. ______ " "You may be right. But I still think that waiting won't hurt. You're only twenty-five." Gail's father, David, whom I had not yet met personally, approached our decision with a father-knows-best attitude. He basically asked the same questions as Gail's mother: "Why the haste? Who is this Mark? What's his citizenship status?" ______ "But Dad, that's harsh," Gail said. "Then why the rush?" he asked repeatedly. "Mark has had problems with citizenship before and has always taken care of them himself," Gail defended. " ______ " Her father proceeded to quote statistics showing that mixed couples had higher divorce rates than couples of the same race and gave examples of mixed couples he had counseled who were having marital difficulties. "Have you thought about the hardships your children could go through?" he asked. "Dad, are you a racist?" "No, of course not. But you have to be realistic." "Maybe our children will have some problems, but whose children don't? But one thing they'll always have: our love and devotion." "That's idealistic. People can be very cruel toward children from mixed marriages." "Dad, we'll worry about that when the time comes. ______ " "Remember, it's never too late to change your mind."