How to Charge a Gorilla "Can you tell the class what it is you discovered" Miss Larson, the teacher, asked. She was tall and blond and impatient with the concept of suspense. "Well, "I said, "1 hurt my knee playing football in high school. Now it pops out of position every once in a while. I fall down and scream because it hurts so much. That’s how 1 made my discovery." 66.__________ "Okay, here’s the first gorilla." The on-screen image was that of a handsome human male wearing a photographer’s vest. The children squealed with laughter. Nick Nichols, a National Geographic photographer, had given me the slides to show in schools. The first real gorilla up on the screen was a frightening portrait: a head-and- shoulders shot of an adult male, mouth open in what appeared to be a scream of rage. White teeth--canines the size of small carrots--stood out against the black face. 67.__________ And I was off on Phase One of my standard grade school gorilla lecture. They’re not scary mo, asters at all; in fact, they’re very gentle. They don’t eat humans; they don’t even eat meat. I showed pictures of gorillas eating bamboo and nettles. I explained that the animals live in family groups of two to 35 or more, and that most of the time the oldest and biggest male, whose back is silver, is the boss. Silverbacks stand about five-foot-eight and weigh as much as 400 pounds. I showed a picture of a blondhaired human standing in the rain, taking notes. "That man is a scientist, "I told the students." His name is Conrad Aveling. He gets to study the gorillas every day, rain or shine." To get a job like that, I said, you have to go to school for a long time. "Field scientists are a lot like Miss Larson, but their clothes are dirtier, and they swear a lot." After the slide show, it was time for Phase Two: I asked the shyest girl and the most obstreperous boy to assist me. The gril would sit in front of the class, in Miss Larson’s chair. She would be the gorilla. The boy would be the scientist. He would approach the gorilla and learn about its behavior. If they did anything wrong, anything at all, the gorilla would just go away and never come back. I think this prepares boys and girls for the realities of later life. Boys more than girls, perhaps. "It is sometimes hard to find the gorillas," I said, "Sometimes you can smell them before you see them. The silverback has an odor like skunk and vinegar, only very faint. When you see them, you should fall to the ground and approach carefully." 68.__________ Locate the silverback, I advised. Make sure he sees you. Don’t get between him and any of the babies, because he will try to protect them, and then he could hurt you. Look at the silverback’s face. It reads just like a human’s face. If he frowns at you, go away. You should also know how to say some things in the mountain-gorilla language. "The gorilla ’hello’, "I said, "sounds like this." I made my voice phlegmy and hoarse and then breathed out twice in a kind of gentle growl. "It means ’Hey, I don’t want to fight or hurt anyone’s babies. ’ Scientists like Mr. Aveling call that sound a double-belch vocalization." I encouraged the kids to work on their belches and that evening at the dinner table demonstrate the science they’d learned. 69.__________ Mr. Aveling taught me all those things, I said, and he was very strict. He said I should observe "proper gorilla etiquette’ at all times. And it was true. If I minded my manners, I could sometimes sit near them for hours. When the animals wanted me to go, they frowned and said another important gorilla word. "It’s called a cough grunt, and it sounds a little like a train just starting up." I made a series of soft coughs in the back of my throat. "That means ’Go away. ’" 70.__________ And I was into Phase Three: At most only 650 mountain gorillas exist today. That’s all. It is tempting, at this point, to dramatize the mountain gorillas’ plight by setting up a morality play of good guys and poachers, but the real problem facing the gorillas is loss of habitat. The areas in the Bwindi Impenetrable Forest and the Virunga Volcanoes in central Africa, Where the gorillas live and are protected, are a mere 274 square miles. In the aftermath of the genocidal wars in Rwanda, over 700 000 returning refugees have flooded into the Rwandan area near the mountains. Some of these people want land to farm. Families must be fed. And yet the forests of the Virungas act as giant sponges, feeding the streams and rivers during the dry season. Destroy the forest for farms and people starve during the next drought. It’s a vexing problem. A. The third-graders weren’t, I knew, interested in my knee problems. "Do you guys want to see some gorillas. I asked. They did, and said so at the top of their lungs. I flipped on the projector. B. The gorilla in Miss Larson’s chair did a pretty good cough grunt, and the boy scientist crawled backward down the aisle. There was applause all around. C. "Scary, huh" I said, "But it’s really not, because that’s what it looks like when a gorilla yawns." D. As the boy scientist crawled forward, belching loudly, I advised him to keep his head down. Watch the silverback’s head. Wherever it is, yours is lower. If you stand above him, he thinks you want to fight. Scientists call that an aggressive posture. E. And that, I told the third-graders, is how playing football badly can lead to important scientific discoveries. F. My eight-year-old scientist began crawling up the aisle toward the gorilla in pigtails.